an upwards kick

I hadn’t been quite ready to leave

Making believe that if I clinged tighter

Things would return 

Back to the time when we all made sense

But the holding on was behind my suffocation

Not letting go was dragging me to the bottom

There was no air further down below that surface

The cave we had found and filled with our secrets

Had been washed out with the incoming tide

I didn’t remember the steps to our dance

The way to walk to move across the desert

My camouflage had discolored from its years in the sun

I stood out but wouldn’t stand

Too scared not to fit in

I know at some point I’ll kick upwards

Let go of the diving anchor and move on

But i’m not ready just yet

And suppose i’ll linger down here

Pausing my breath

hoping that I spout gills

- b

October 20, 2021